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Grumpier Old Men

"I don't believe it !" - Victor M.
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 Post subject: Re: Boundah Jokes
PostPosted: Tue Nov 19, 2019 6:09 pm 
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Joined: Sun Dec 26, 2004
Posts: 3159
Location: At the cutting edge of cocking about
The Barman said to me, "Why are you looking so sad?"
I said, "The wife and I had a massive row and she said that she wasn't going to speak to me for a month."
He said, "What`s wrong with that?"
I replied, "The month's up tomorrow."
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Isn't it weird how some of the best F1 drivers share their names with places in Scotland ...
STIRLING Moss,
Eddie IRVINE,
Lewis HAMILTON,
AYR TOWN CENTRE
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I used to get told off in school assembly for miming during the hymns. Everyone else was singing 'Morning Has Broken' and I was pretending to be trapped in a glass box.
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My wife told me, "Sex is better on holiday."
Have to admit, it's not the best postcard, I've ever received.
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I'm reading a horror book written in Braille and something bad is about to happen. I can feel it.
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Another wooden ball!
Would it kill the makers of avocados to include a different toy, like a mood ring or a novelty eraser?
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My Gran used to tell me that in the olden days she didn't worry about keeping her back door open.
What a slag.
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I used to hand Lego bricks to my blind friend and ask 'What does this say?'
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I met a transvestite from Manchester today.
He said he had a Wigan address.
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Due to a spelling error on my letter to Santa, I spent an awkward Christmas Day in 1966 with an man from Acton.
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I dont judge people by the colour of their skin.
Which is why so many of my patients die of jaundice.
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It's a 5 minute walk from my house to the pub.
It's a 35 minute walk from the pub to my house.
The difference is staggering.
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I went swimming earlier, and decided to take a sneaky pee at the deep end.
The lifeguard must have noticed as he blew his whistle so loudly I nearly fell in!
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My ‘To Do’ list for December
1. Buy 4 pigs.
2. Paint 1, 2, 3, & 5 on their backs.
3. Let them loose in Sainsbury's.
4. Sit back and watch security desperately search for number 4.
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A girl came up to me in a club last night, grabbed my crotch and said, "I haven't had one of those for over a month now."
I took her back to my place...
We started messing around...
We got undressed...
And that was when I noticed that she still had the scars from the operation...
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_________________
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

A woman doesn't want a man's opinion, they just want to hear their own opinion repeated back to them in a deeper voice.


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