* FAQ   * Search
 * Register  * Login

Grumpier Old Men

"I don't believe it !" - Victor M.
It is currently Sat May 08, 2021 4:07 pm

All times are UTC




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 66 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2, 3, 4, 5  Next
Author Message
 Post subject: Boundah Jokes
PostPosted: Thu May 28, 2015 9:29 am 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Sun Dec 26, 2004
Posts: 3468
Location: At the cutting edge of cocking about
Ron Chester, 62, was stopped by the police around 2am and was asked where he was going at that time of night.

Ron replied, "I'm on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as the dangers of smoking and staying out late."

The officer asked, "Really? And who's giving that lecture at this time of night?"

Ron replied, "That would be my wife."

_________________
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

A woman doesn't want a man's opinion, they just want to hear their own opinion repeated back to them in a deeper voice.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Boundah Jokes
PostPosted: Thu May 28, 2015 10:04 am 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Sun Dec 26, 2004
Posts: 3468
Location: At the cutting edge of cocking about
I've just been to the gym and there was a new machine but I only used it for about 30 minutes because it made me feel sick.

It's a good one though. It does everything...

Mars Bars, Twix, Snickers, KitKats...

_________________
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

A woman doesn't want a man's opinion, they just want to hear their own opinion repeated back to them in a deeper voice.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Boundah Jokes
PostPosted: Fri May 29, 2015 9:15 am 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Sun Dec 26, 2004
Posts: 3468
Location: At the cutting edge of cocking about
My mate just rang me and asked, "What are you doing at the moment?"

I said, "Probably failing my driving test."

_________________
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

A woman doesn't want a man's opinion, they just want to hear their own opinion repeated back to them in a deeper voice.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Boundah Jokes
PostPosted: Fri May 29, 2015 9:47 am 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Wed Jan 09, 2008
Posts: 2222
Boundah wrote:
My mate just rang me and asked, "What are you doing at the moment?"

I said, "Probably failing my driving test."


:lol: Good'n.

_________________
Our Lady of Blessed Acceleration,don't fail me now. Image


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Boundah Jokes
PostPosted: Sun May 31, 2015 12:09 pm 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Sun Dec 26, 2004
Posts: 3468
Location: At the cutting edge of cocking about
A drum and a cymbal fell off a cliff...

Ba-dum... Tish...

_________________
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

A woman doesn't want a man's opinion, they just want to hear their own opinion repeated back to them in a deeper voice.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Boundah Jokes
PostPosted: Sun May 31, 2015 2:55 pm 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Sun May 04, 2008
Posts: 16469
Location: Kent and the coast
Boundah wrote:
A drum and a cymbal fell off a cliff...

Ba-dum... Tish...


There are places where you can be legally garroted for stuff like that.....

_________________
Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it from religious conviction.

Blaise Pascal


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Boundah Jokes
PostPosted: Thu Jun 04, 2015 11:06 am 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Sun Dec 26, 2004
Posts: 3468
Location: At the cutting edge of cocking about
Q. Why did the woman get run over?
A. Because no man tells her what to do. Not even the red one at the pedestrian crossing!

_________________
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

A woman doesn't want a man's opinion, they just want to hear their own opinion repeated back to them in a deeper voice.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Boundah Jokes
PostPosted: Thu Jun 11, 2015 6:19 pm 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Sun Dec 26, 2004
Posts: 3468
Location: At the cutting edge of cocking about
A bloke delivered a huge roll of bubble wrap to work the other day. He asked me what he should do with it and I told him to pop it in the corner. 

He was still there three hours later...

_________________
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

A woman doesn't want a man's opinion, they just want to hear their own opinion repeated back to them in a deeper voice.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Boundah Jokes
PostPosted: Fri Jun 12, 2015 8:39 am 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Sun Dec 26, 2004
Posts: 3468
Location: At the cutting edge of cocking about
I've just been given some 007 Viagra.

Apparently it makes you roger more.

_________________
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

A woman doesn't want a man's opinion, they just want to hear their own opinion repeated back to them in a deeper voice.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Boundah Jokes
PostPosted: Fri Jun 12, 2015 10:50 am 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Sun Dec 26, 2004
Posts: 3468
Location: At the cutting edge of cocking about
I'm so unlucky, when I entered a, 'Shag one of the Corrs', competition and got the fourth prize! :(

_________________
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

A woman doesn't want a man's opinion, they just want to hear their own opinion repeated back to them in a deeper voice.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Boundah Jokes
PostPosted: Tue Jun 16, 2015 7:28 am 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Sun Dec 26, 2004
Posts: 3468
Location: At the cutting edge of cocking about
It was the first day back at school in Birmingham and the teacher began calling out the names of the pupils...

"Mustafa Al Azheri?" "Here."
"Achmed El Kabul?" "Here."
"Fatima Bin Badir?" "Here."
"Ali Abdul Alami?" "Here."
"Mohammed Bin Kadir?" "Here."
"Ali Son al En?"

Silence in the classroom.

"Ali Son al En?"

Continued silence, as everyone looked around the room.

The teacher repeated the call,

"Ali Son Al En?"

Finally, a girl stood up and said, "Sorry, teacher, I think that's me.
It's pronounced Allison Allen."

_________________
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

A woman doesn't want a man's opinion, they just want to hear their own opinion repeated back to them in a deeper voice.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Boundah Jokes
PostPosted: Sun Jun 21, 2015 8:34 am 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Sun Dec 26, 2004
Posts: 3468
Location: At the cutting edge of cocking about
A light Cessna aircraft with four people on board has crashed at Ballynagree cemetery in County Cork. So far local police have recovered 286 bodies...

_________________
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

A woman doesn't want a man's opinion, they just want to hear their own opinion repeated back to them in a deeper voice.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Boundah Jokes
PostPosted: Wed Jul 01, 2015 9:54 pm 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Sun Dec 26, 2004
Posts: 3468
Location: At the cutting edge of cocking about
A sizeable ISIS unit is moving down a desert road when they hear a voice call from behind a sand dune:
"One British Squaddie is better than ten ISIS fighters".
The ISIS commander quickly orders ten of his best men over the dune where a gun battle breaks out, continues for a few minutes, then silence...
The voice once again calls out:
"One British Squaddie is better than one hundred ISIS sons of bitches".
Furious, the ISIS commander sends his next best 100 troops over the dune and instantly a huge gun fight commences. After 10 minutes of battle, again silence.
The voice calls out again:
"One British Squaddie is better than a thousand of you ISIS pussies."
The enraged ISIS commander musters 1,000 fighters and sends them to the other side of the dune. Rifle fire... machine guns... grenades... rocket launchers... cannon fire... Weapons ring out as a terrible and furious battle is fought.
...then silence...
Eventually, one badly wounded ISIS fighter crawls back over the dune and with his dying words tells his commander,
"Don't send any more men... it's a trap. There's two of them!"

_________________
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

A woman doesn't want a man's opinion, they just want to hear their own opinion repeated back to them in a deeper voice.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Boundah Jokes
PostPosted: Sun Jul 05, 2015 10:33 am 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Sun Dec 26, 2004
Posts: 3468
Location: At the cutting edge of cocking about
Just used the last of the antiperspirant spray. Roll on tomorrow.

_________________
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

A woman doesn't want a man's opinion, they just want to hear their own opinion repeated back to them in a deeper voice.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Boundah Jokes
PostPosted: Sun Jul 05, 2015 8:25 pm 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Fri Jan 28, 2005
Posts: 1213
Location: over there
Boundah wrote:
Just used the last of the antiperspirant spray. Roll on tomorrow.


An Irishman went into a chemist's shop and asked for a deodorant. "Do you want aerosol or roll-on ball?" the assistant asked. "Neither", said Paddy, "it's for under me arms"

_________________
I am no physicist but as a biologist I am quite capable of spotting bollocks. [(c) Monkey1 2009]


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 66 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2, 3, 4, 5  Next

All times are UTC


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 4 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group